How to ‘get things done?’ - the distraction of ‘pending’, ‘creative time’, the importance of clients & task based working
Talking with my access support worker about how I ‘never feel like I can get anything done’.
The distraction of ‘Pending’
The feeling that something is ‘pending’ is such a distraction.
Urgent tasks are pressing on me, like my tax return or some show copy I need to write for a venue. I can’t concentrate on anything, until those things are ticked off. Its tempting to ‘just get it done’ and ‘focus on the creative work later’. But the reality is, there is always something ‘pending’ - when the tax return is done, it will be paying the bills, or writing a funding application, sorting out my public liability insurance, or getting a new pair of glasses.
Unexpected things seem to come up every week and hijack my time, like the burst pipe in my kitchen, having my wisdom teeth removed and needing to recover, or just a few days of bad mental health.
If I have a meeting or a cleaning job to go to at 14:00, from 10:30 or 11:00 my brain can’t settle because of that thing coming up later on. So I can only do little tasks like emails or cleaning the house, I can’t get into ‘deep focus’ like doing my tax return or creative work.
Empty space
You would think having empty time would solve this problem.
If I have totally empty days though, that is a surefire way to get absolutely nothing done. For some reason the time stretching out in front of me is just too intimidating and I end up feeling really bad, and achieving nothing.
All of this adds up to finding it very hard to spend time actually doing my art practice.
‘Creative time’
Sometimes I would try to designate time, like one or two hours, to just ‘do my practice’ and protect that time from admin or other tasks. But somehow it never works out - that unexpected thing happens, the tax return has to get done before the deadline and so it gets pushed into the time I reserved for my practice, and ultimately because I am scared of the financial consequences it wins.
Then I feel double bad, because I had to do my tax return when I didn’t want to, AND I’m a bad artist because I let the tax return eat up my ‘creative time’.
But what really is that ‘creative time’?
I always feel like it should be totally free and aimless, and also totally pure. Like the only valid things to do in that time would be free writing or sketching with charcoal. Audio ecology listening exercises on a walk in ‘nature’, or touching soil and journalling about my physical sensations, and then turning it into a movement improvisation and videoing myself.
What are the things I always get done?
The thing is , I don’t miss deadlines. If something has to be done, I will do it - just usually it won’t be finished until right before. If there is a deadline or someone is waiting on it, I will produce it.
Unfortunately, as a solo artist, that means that the people’s stuff takes priority over my own work. HMRC or funders or promoters get better results from me than I do from myself. And ultimately I pay the price, when my own work becomes stressful or doesn’t live up to what I wanted it to be.
The things that don’t get done, are usually a) not tasks, and b) have no ‘client’. No-one else cares right now if I do them or not. (Although they might care 2yrs down the line when my show is shit).
‘Clients’ and task based working
I am thinking, maybe I can create the situation of tasks and clients for myself.
For instance, early stage prep for a show. Can I ask my collaborators or commissioners to be ‘clients’, and create a deadline to produce some information for them?
The next thing I want to do is ‘storyboard’ the episodes of the show. I also need to do this, to share with the creative team so we have something to refer to. Can I turn this into a more concrete task with stages that I can put on a to do list? Can I create a deadline which isn’t just ‘for motivation’, but actually is when I will present this info to the team?
Doing that task will probably involve lots of the things I want to do in the dreaded ‘creative time’ - drawing, writing, using visual software, creating and re-making images, editing sounds. Maybe for me this task based way of working could be a clearer, less daunting way of putting aside consistent time for my practice and early stage ideas?
Also, fluid time
I also think it would be ideal to have some space to just flow with ideas. I am interested in doing this workshop by Yumi Sakugawa, ‘Systems, Structures, Containers of Time, Magical Seeds: How to Grow and Maintain the Ecosystem of Your creative Practice’.
It seems like they find it important to show up for creative practice as a ritual (which could be the opposite approach to what I’m saying above).
But I wonder if its possible to have balance, to pursue both?
Weeks instead of days
Finally, for me I realised that the idea of fitting so many things into each day feels, well ridiculous. But also oppressive.
How on earth do people eat 3 nutritious meals, exercise, meditate, stretch, go outside, get life admin done, do work tasks, and go out to other commitments like a cleaning job or a social engagement, all in one day?
Seeing things in the container of a 24hour period just feels totally oppressive to me.
If I try to think about all those things, honestly I just immediately want to cry and/or die.
I am going to try out seeing things in weeks, instead of days. My Access Support Worker had that idea, like just saying ‘I would like to meditate once this week’. That seems waaaaay more spacious and realistic, and actually true and tempting, than saying ‘I want to meditate for 1min each day’.
To me, the idea of wanting and having to do anything every day, or even every day apart from Sunday, feels really crushing. But its true to say I would like to meditate, stretch, do yoga, walk outside, lift weights, have a bath, and cook a meal from scratch, once a week.
Its true to say I would like to spend one hour flowing in thoughts or writing or moving or drawing, once every two weeks.
So maybe I’m just going to try out what happens if I see weeks as the container, rather than days.